Why aren't you a Trump supporter?

I know what Nikki Haley’s authority with the National Guard is

I understand how hurricane paths work

I know that he didn’t run against “Obamna”

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I know the difference between “George Bush” and “Jeb Bush”

I understand geography enough to know that Belgium is not a “beautiful city”, that Paris is not in fucking Germany, that India does share a border with China, that that border is peppered with Bhutan and Nepal, not “Button” and “Nipple”, that time zones exist, that “shithole countries” do not, that “England” and “the UK” are not the same thing, that you cannot build a wall in Colorado to keep out New Mexico, and that the Bronx is not and has never been “a very wonderful place in fucking Germany”

I have complete contempt for traitorism

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I don’t watch or listen to advertising

I don’t believe that Saudi Arabia and Russia “will vedoop bedeep uhhhh”

I can count

How do you smoke heroin?

Those are a few reasons off the top of my head. How ’bout you?

I have complete contempt for fakery

It’s uncool to lurk around teenage girls’ dressing rooms

How can I help my cat adjust to sleeping in its own room after allowing it to sleep with us as a kitten?

I respect other cultures and don’t respect those who don’t

I have complete contempt for intentional stupidity

I don’t run and hide from a debate like a fucking WIMP just becuase some moderator asked pointed questions

What's the most incredible coincidence that ever happened to you?

I have complete contempt for fraudsters, and even less for repeat ones

Let us count the ways. Captain Obvious says:

I don’t believe the way to respond to a hurricane is to call a press conference to describe it as “wet from the standpoint of water”, to distribute Play Doh, or to stand at a podium throwing rolls of paper towels as if they were bottles of ketchup

Is Farage right to blame the housing crisis in the UK on migration?

I actually pay taxes

Fuck that piece of orange shit, fuck his idiocracy, fuck his sexism, fuck his racism, fuck his religionism, fuck his divisionism, fuck his lying, fuck his orange face paint, fuck his worship of Cult of Ignorance, fuck his Cult, fuck his jingoistic horseshit, fuck his manuipulations, fuck his toddler-age WIMPism, fuck his fucked-up values of ME ME ME and did I mention ME, and fuck him personally with a giant razor sharp dildo that’s been preheated to 204.7° F and built to the dimensions of the Washington Monument. Slowly.

I don’t respect a sleazeball who lies about his height just so he can lie about his weight

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A real man doesn’t grab women by the p***y

I don’t believe there is a fucking “president of the Virgin Islands”

I know the difference between “give me your tired, your poor” and “they’re poisoning our blood”

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It’s uncool to set up soft porn pics with your own preteen daughter

I know who the president of Turkey really is

I don’t hide in my hotel room while everybody else keeps the appointed time and place because my hair might get wet

How was cancer treatment different in the US and the UK?

I don’t hold serial bankrupters in high regard

If someone works for me, I actually pay them

I understand historical events enough to know there were no airports in the eighteenth century, that Canada didn’t burn the White House half a century before it existed and that World War Two already happened

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I understand that when you lose an election you step the fuck aside and take it like a man rather than invade the Capitol while your loss is being made official just because you’re a fucking snowflake WIMP

I understand that you can’t inject bleach or light

I don’t call Tim Cook “Tim Apple” and if I do I don’t deny what’s right there on the videotape because I’m too much of a fucking WIMP to handle Reality

Have anyone had an relationship of any kind with a spirit or demon, such as a succubus? If so, how was it?

When a reporter declines to join me in the rooftops fantasy I don’t go on stage and gyrate to mock his congenital disability

I have no sicko desire to control women or have a bizarro hangup with “blood”

I don’t buy made-up stories of “thousands and thousands of people dancing on rooftops”

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EVEN FUCKING MIKE PENCE understands that

When I go Greenland shopping and Denmark says no I don’t melt down like a fucking WIMP

I know the difference between Sioux City and Sioux Falls and even Sioux Center

Is Beehiiv better than Substack?

I know that if I or anyone I know commits a crime we’ll go to the clink

I can read

I don’t pretend not to know who David Dooky is just because he can deliver votes

Why do some people admire Latin American cultures but not want to be from or live in those countries?

I know that sounds DO NOT cause cancer.

I understand that you can’t just fucking nuke a hurricane

I don’t believe Nazis, Klan klowns and white supremacists chanting “Jews will not replace us” comprise “very fine people”

I didn’t get out of military service with fucking “bone spurs” that I paid a doctor to write

I don’t buy bullshit

I took the same Oath and took it seriously

I don’t respect shameless hucksters who try to sell a vitamin where you have to mail in your pee

I don’t cotton to rapists

I have a reading level above third grade

I know there’s no such thing as invisible planes

authoritarians can get down on the floor and bite my ass, yesterday

I’ve never tried to pretend the word would means wouldn’t

I see through liars

I have an acute aversion to scumbags

I respect women and don’t respect those who don’t

I don’t believe in asking the people of Iowa “how stupid are the people of Iowa”